Its one of those days when nothing seems to be going right!A strange feeling seals the lips,a kind of entrapment that seizes you so hard that you are not left with even the strength to try to get out.A deafening silence engulfs you,neither your mind talks nor your body,only the heart flutters widely as if afraid of its own sound.No solution seems plausible,everything dark,down & doomed.A height of hopelessness where prayer also feels like a punishment..such condemnation such state of depression.So much for taking things for granted,so much for not knowing that everything in life comes with a price,a cruel balance of nature which ought to give your share of sadness if you have been too happy lately..suddenly you forget your own words of consolation,your own trick to tread the tide.A complete state of shock & disbelief,is this possible?Is this really happening?and the ensuing fear that it is for real that goodtimes are not to be confused with alltimes.In a perfect setting of a beautiful garden with everything lovely around you sometimes a thorn pricks you so painfully that far minimises the comfort of the surroundings.Nerves lose their verve,all the negativity & inactivity seeps in you as if you are one blackhole that sucks everything bad around and blasts under its own pressure.What gives this state to me or to anyone,what is the source of this unhappiness,where did it suddenly purge its head from?Oh ya!! the WANT!Thats the source ,thats the main nucleus of my worry cyclone..I have wanted something and more I face things more I get worried whether my want would be fulfilled or not?Thats it,this is the thing that has destroyed my frame of mind for a couple of weeks now!This want,this desire,this is the source,main trigger point of anxiety,hopelessness,depression,the state I was feeling myself to be in.Suddenly my visit to the source of my unhappiness enlightened me to a new meaning of life which probably I was following without realising it.I was feeling happy because i was not expecting anything not wanting anything,just rejoicing in what I already have & what I was getting in the normal flow of life without ever having a second thought of what I was not getting,since i wasn't carrying any want! Now suddenly because I thought my happiness is for granted,I started wanting,I started desiring,and unconsciously got myself into same selfish visciousness of wanting praying and fearing..and hence the unhappiness for want does not come without the fear of either losing it or not getting what you want at the first place.Life comes to a standstill,nothing pleases more except the want & suddenly the fear of its unfulfilment grips you more than the want itself!How ironic.Everything comes with time and when God wills it so, for your own benefit,then why do we get unhappy?The surest way to pray God is to flow with His flow,do what He has ordained you to do,and in such state of being in unison with Him He listens to your hearts' wish and fulfills it.But the flow itself makes you so happy that wishes & their fulfillment does not remain a source of paramount joy which we find in the state of Being.
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